Terms, Terminology: How we see ourselves, and how others see us

So the other night-while laying naked next to each other Mistress posed an interesting question to me, and one that i have spent a lot of time thinking about–and reality is 1: i am not sure of the answer and 2: i don’t think i ever fully answered that question.  But i think Mistress’ goal was to prompt the thinking and the additional discussion (which is healthy, and sometimes tough).

By way of context, and some is a repeat for anyone who has read any part of this blog, or my Mistress’ blog, Mistress is a sadist and a true lifestyler-She has Her thoughts about what a FLR (Female lead relationship) is, and what the roles are. i tend to be less of a masochist to Mistress’ sadistic streak. i think i am a lifestyle sub/slave, but one with perhaps less conventional views-but still happy to be a part of an FLR and totally in love with my Mistress.

With that context, comes this. Am i really a a submissive? Or am i more of a fetish bottom?

So, first i had to askwhat is a fetish bottom, or a fettom as Mistress and i have come to call it. Mistress basically said it was someone who like me is a fetishist-leather, boots and bottom in the relationship.

I was able to find this definition of fetish bottom on line:

Fetish bottoms differ from other types of fetishist in that the object they eroticise is associated with a top. They are almost invariably male, and in the pure form have little need to interact with the top or to submit their will in real life encounters.

i don’t think this is me, i need to interact with my Mistress. i actually want to interact with Her.

Then comes the question of my submissiveness.

I tend to fall more in line with this definition of submissive:

A submissive (or “sub”) is one who enjoys having any of a variety of BDSMdominance and submission (D/s). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for submission or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario. practices performed upon them by a dominant; or one who holds a submissive position within a relationship based upon

In one of Mistress’ blogs from last month-she described submissive males as such:

Submissive men generally don’t want to be loved by Female Dominants. They yearn to be humiliated. They don’t want to marry. To have kids. They want to believe they are inferior to women. And god forbid a woman actually show emotion!!! HERESY!!!

Submissive men are so fucked up.

So, which am i? This is the question i am left to ponder. i know i love my Mistress, and would do anything i can to make Her happy. i can see myself married to Her at some point-but that is down the line because of some other baggage issues.

But can i meet Her ideal? Afterall, when all is said and done, its important for the vision of a partnership to be held by both parties-and if i am a fettom, rather than the submissive She seeks-can we actually be together longer term?

I never want my Mistress to be in a spot to have to settle, and i don’t want to drive Her to the space She was last march (into the arms of another). i guess this is why they say love hurts, and thinking about it is painful sometimes….