Did I do enough?

This is a quick post, but a question that I am pondering…did I do enough? or did I let Mistress down?  And unfortunately I think the latter.

Mistress was in the hospital this week.  She went in for what was supposed to be three days (72 hours) of tests.  Ended up being a full week.  Nothing bad, in fact I think it netted out as good news for her.

But I am wondering if I did all I could do to be supportive.  I know the answer is yes, but perception and reality are sometimes different.  I had a tough week, and so did Mistress.  But was there more I could have done?

I have to think more.  Right now, I don’t think so…but I have to think more…..

The Fleeting Moments that Last

I can still feel the way Mistress snuggles up to me as I nibble on her neck. I can still taste her lips pressed against mine….

And it was all to sort as I watched Mistress’ subway continue uptown.

Something to Think About

So as a dust-up between Mistress and I came to an end last week, she posed the question both in her blog and to me on the phone

Why is it we tend to hurt the ones we love most?

I think my boy and I do it and I don’t know why.

The Rewind Button

I have been thinking that life could be so much better with a rewind button. And I don’t want to be greedy with this mind you. I would love to rewind all the way back to the last game in the baseball season of my junior year in high school.

Now that’s not to say its all be shit since then mind you. Just if I could rewind, I would probably not hang in on the play and my knee would not have gotten blown out.

But I digress. The rewind button I am looking for would be to go back say 5 minutes at a time and try a moment again. There are a bunch of those as well.

Is it really alright?

Its been a week of dealing with things that I really can’t control–which is very frustrating to me–because the stakes are so high. And maybe some of this is just misplaced self pity.

But still, I have to wonder, is it really alright?

Freedom

Mistress and I were talking the other night about freedom-and how much we control our lives, and our destiny or in my case how little control I have.

Now this all started out with some introspection on Mistress’ part. She is taking stock of herself-and feeling the pressure of building a career.

But for me the e exercise at midnight with a bottle of wine on a stoop in Queens was interesting. By all counts-I have a good career, am in a good spot-and have no control over my life or my destiny.

Amazing huh?

And after spending a good part of today running through it all-I am not sure when or how I can get that control back.

A Glass Half Full Outlook

So instead of stealing away for a dinner once or twice a week–Mistress and I are now able to steal away for a cup of coffee or lunch every now and then. We still have our weekly night-which we try to makespecial. But the time together is not what it once was.

Obviously this is not super-ideal. Mistress has blogged about this calling it “the trade off.”

I Concur

One of the reasons I eve have this blog going is at the prompting of Mistress–who has her own blog.  Together we catalog in some way, shape or form our lives in NYC in the scene and how we try to sustain and nurture a great FLR/Ds relationship through the murky waters of challenge that all relationships face.

Today-while I spent more than 12 hours driving to south Jersey and back (I spoke at a conference) Mistress posted a blog saying she had reached a point in her life where she was happy–and that in a lot of ways her life was coming together and I was a significant part of that.

(For a lot of reasons, Mistress’ blog is invite only right now, so I won’t link to it. But if you want an invite to read Kink in the city click and follow the directions).

Well, I concur.  Yes, there are still challenges ahead, but I feel like Mistress and I are in a good spot now, and our relationship is really strong and vibrant.

Going through this blog, you’ll see references to challenges we have faced and hurdles we have overcome.  The good news is that we have, and Mistress is the person I love.

I think Mistress getting started on her new career, and having some success early and being able to build on that has helped her greatly put things in order and take some of the “variables” out of her life.

I am so proud to be there with her, and to be a part of her life.

I can only hope Mistress will let me stick around–and be with her for a lifetime ahead.

Thinking, Prorgressing, Growing

While I hope this blog can be an archive of great an kinky exploits that Mistress and I share in–its also become part sounding board for me, which I find pretty cathartic. Probably annoying to many readers-but hey, its my blog, right?

Here is one of those cathartic type blogs–but in this case its part follow up, part break-through and part me just sort of taking stock:

Something Happens When We Descend to the Depths……of NYC That Is

So, I realized something tonight–Mistress and I have some kind of a subway fetish. No really, we do.