Did I do enough?

This is a quick post, but a question that I am pondering…did I do enough? or did I let Mistress down?  And unfortunately I think the latter.

Mistress was in the hospital this week.  She went in for what was supposed to be three days (72 hours) of tests.  Ended up being a full week.  Nothing bad, in fact I think it netted out as good news for her.

But I am wondering if I did all I could do to be supportive.  I know the answer is yes, but perception and reality are sometimes different.  I had a tough week, and so did Mistress.  But was there more I could have done?

I have to think more.  Right now, I don’t think so…but I have to think more…..

The Fleeting Moments that Last

I can still feel the way Mistress snuggles up to me as I nibble on her neck. I can still taste her lips pressed against mine….

And it was all to sort as I watched Mistress’ subway continue uptown.

Silence is Golden-or is it?

Things with Mistress are in a pretty good spot right now, maybe I don’t want to jinx it. Things in my personal life are a mess right now, maybe I am too overwhelmed.

Or maybe silence is golden-and I am trying to be rich.

About Frustration

So earlier today (and might I add its been a long day here on the west coast) I blogged about frustration as it pertained to relationship issues with Mistress.

Now, there is a new kind of frustration…

Something to Think About

So as a dust-up between Mistress and I came to an end last week, she posed the question both in her blog and to me on the phone

Why is it we tend to hurt the ones we love most?

I think my boy and I do it and I don’t know why.

The Rewind Button

I have been thinking that life could be so much better with a rewind button. And I don’t want to be greedy with this mind you. I would love to rewind all the way back to the last game in the baseball season of my junior year in high school.

Now that’s not to say its all be shit since then mind you. Just if I could rewind, I would probably not hang in on the play and my knee would not have gotten blown out.

But I digress. The rewind button I am looking for would be to go back say 5 minutes at a time and try a moment again. There are a bunch of those as well.

Is it really alright?

Its been a week of dealing with things that I really can’t control–which is very frustrating to me–because the stakes are so high. And maybe some of this is just misplaced self pity.

But still, I have to wonder, is it really alright?

Asked and Answered

Sometimes its nice to hear someone else ask the questions–and get the context of the answers.

A Glass Half Full Outlook

So instead of stealing away for a dinner once or twice a week–Mistress and I are now able to steal away for a cup of coffee or lunch every now and then. We still have our weekly night-which we try to makespecial. But the time together is not what it once was.

Obviously this is not super-ideal. Mistress has blogged about this calling it “the trade off.”

From Behind the 8-Ball

One of the biggest challenges in any relationship is the ability to communicate–and despite the fact that I communicate for a living, am an avid user of email, Twitter, instant message and text along with assorted kink and vanilla social network sites.  And yet, somehow the nuances of communication in a relationship seems to elude me.

And I have to admit that I think that perhaps a I try too hard and should let it be more natural.

Over nearly two years, Mistress and I have gone through a lot-and a lot of it has been communication related.  I under communicate, and I know it.  When we fight, Mistress and I are passionate people and emotions jump into the fray.

One of the things about communicating in an emotional state I am trying to work on is keeping my emotions and check-and trying to discuss facts and feelings and not let my feelings become a part of the equation.

The last couple of weeks though-Mistress and I have had little “outbursts.”  In both cases I completely understand the way Mistress has seen things–but the facts she has cobbled together are not full and the conclusion just not right.  Yet, she not only presents these as fully-baked arguments, they are laced with accusations of lying to her, or trying to cheat on her or trying to intentionally hurt her.

And while all of those outcomes are the furthest from the truth-when she brings them to me, they come as accusations.  Now what is the nominal reaction to an accusation-defend.  A response to an accusation by its nature is defensive–especially when the fullness of what occured is not there.

Yet, somehow I have been cast as the villain and arguing the negative–proving that the conclusion is wrong.  I can’t help but think back to a law professor I once had–if you have a good case pound the law, if you have nothing pound the table.

But lately I feel like I am pounding myself.

Looking inward trying to see where I could have done better, trying to be a better person for Mistress, for us and for myself.