hmmm, the week that was….

So, I have to admit, I have started to write this blog a couple of times this week, and between being really, really tired and just not having the right perspective to put my thoughts together–so this will be a compilation of three or four blogs.  Reader be warned, I am not sure how coherent this will be or if it will make any sense when all is said an done.

The week started out pretty well I think. Mistress and I were able to spend some time together Saturday night into Sunday morning. It was kind of a last minute thing, but was good.  Mistress dominated me some, practiced some rope bondage and whipping and we were able to hold each other naked. I really have a deep love affair with my Mistress.

Monday was a bad day on my homefront, on going health issues (not mine) took a turn for the worse.  Mistress was helpful and supportive.

Tuesday was election day-which for what I do means its a long day. I rolled into the office around noon (after voting) and did not leave until about 130 Wednesday morning.  Because I had a scheduled 930 meeting on Wednesday morning, I took a hotel room near my office and a few weeks ago Mistress and I made plans to make the best of that night. I left a key for Mistress in the lobby and then I joined Mistress in bed around 2 in the morning.  We made love, made out, held each other, showered together and had a really bad Times Square breakfast together.

While perhaps not perfect (too short), it was a great night and morning and reaffirmed how much I really to love my girlfriend and Mistress.  She really does make me feel good about myself, and is really good about making me a more complete, whole person.

Then somewhere some how, things started to fall apart…and I am not really sure I get how that happended.

On Thursday Mistress mentioned she was not feeling well, and I thought if we could go out for a bit it would help cheer her up. So, although I was really feeling sleep deprived (a sure sign of my old age it takes me days to recover from election day) I made plans to cross town and meet Mistress at work and we would go hit up a couple of margaritas.

During the day, Mistress told her co-workers about her kinky side.  Mistress is completely out about this (as opposed to me who is completely not).  While in her office, Mistress made sure to introduce me to all of her staff, and I have to admit to feeling a little uncomfortable about it–but nothing awful.  My bigger problem Thursday was how completely dead on my feet I felt.

We walked over to the place had a few drinks, and as the alcohol too effect-I started to relax, but Mistress started to get edgy. After a few drinks we left and headed for the subway, where Mistress stated that she was thinking the reason we got together was not because I wanted to see her, but because she was feeling bad.  Now I was feeling bad.  That was never the case, and I told her that. She played it off to a mix of her meds and alcohol.  I can accept that.

Then today. I had been planning to go see Mistress tonight, but she said we should skip since she was not feeling up to it.  Disappointment, yes. But I want to be the understanding boyfriend, and I tried my best.  One of the things that Mistress said she was depressed about was whether or not she would train for the next NYC marathon.

Mistress has run a marathon, but its also a medical challenge (a significant one-no mimizing the risk).  And its one I have witnessed, but have not experienced.  I want Mistress to be happy, to be fulfilled and to do the things she wants.  So I tried to push her-perhaps a little too hard.

And so, now she is depressed, we are in a communications meltdown and reading between lines of emails and IM’s, which we both know does not work.

So, what a week it was…lots of emotions all rolled together–and I am not sure how to process it all, or what to read into it.  Guess this is how I will end up spending the Saturday night.

yin/yang-yes it can work…

Last night my Mistress posted on Her blog about how comfortable She feels lately with me, and its all due to better communication.  And as is usally the case, it got me thinking…

Clearly, the way Mistress has pushed me to be more open, and communicate with Her has helped Her to feel better.  But i also think Mistress and i have a good symbiotic relationship…

Call it a yin/yang

Where Mistress and i are able to compliment each other.  Our relationship has in a lot of ways grown both in and out of the D/s scene.  And through it all, Mistress has pushed me (diet, exercise, weight control, communication, being a better sub)…and i have pushed Mistress (taking care of Herself, career advancement, minding Her health).  Overall, we have intertwined  much of our lives–for the better.

The yin/yang-and yes, i am the luckiest boyfriend, sub and boy around.

Thriving and Surviving….

Well, trip one to Paddles complete.  The net score: love my Mistress; i think i did more than just survive; had some fun; would do it again.

Probably the best place for me to start the detail is to first offer my deepest thanks to my Mistress, Maitresse Scarlette Stangata. i think i am incredibly lucky to be able to say i love Her.  Realistically, going to Paddles was to please my Mistress (its just not something i would do if left to my own devices). And to be honest the biggest concern i had was would i let Mistress down? Would i embarass Her? Would She not be proud of me?

i think (and believe me i asked several times) i succeeded.

The evening started at Mistress’ apartment. As i got to the door, Mistress swung it open, greeting me in Her patent Prada boots, super short skirt, string of faux pearls around Her neck and a tight top that showed off Her magnificent cleavage.  i have to admit, all i have been thinking about since monday night is eating Mistress-mmmm.

After a proper greeting and multiple orgasms it was off to Paddles. I am a native New Yorker, and Mistress has adopted NYC as Her home. i drive, Mistress does not.  In the year we are together, we have never driven into NYC-there is a fundamental mindset that really stops me from doing it. Its so much easier to get around on the subway and in a lot of cases-better. Plus i was admittedly really nervous-and driving in NYC usually prompts me to drop f-bombs.  This trip was no different, although Mistress sternly asked me to stop.

We arrived at Paddles shortly before 10, and it looked like the placea was in transition from some sort of seminar to the club for the evening. Mistress had a cup of coffee and a soda at the bar, while affixing my collar and leash.  A friend of Mistress, a cross-dresser named julian joined us, and we were into the evening’s fun.

Mistress decided i was to be first up for a whipping on what is “center stage” at Paddles. Its an elevated platform in the main room.  Locked in, hands over head and blindfolded i was now at Mistress’ mercy.  One of the yin/yang type aspects of our relationship is that i am not a masochist to Her sadistic streak. But i completely trust Mistress to push me to the next level (hence the trip to Paddles) and to do so with love and safety.

In what is admittedly a quirk about my submission, i do not really hit that “sub-space” that some people hit…or at least not in the way julian hit it later in the evening.  For me, i use my devotion and love for Mistress to push myself. i want to please Mistress. i want Mistress to be proud of me. i will not let Mistress down is my mantra.

So, we started. And i really do not know how long i was on the stage. i think just over an hour, but just a best guess. Mistress started with a warm up. It was flogger, followed by paddle, followed by crop.  But the evening was about Mistress and Her singletail.

Mistress and Her singletail is kind of how the whole Paddles outing came to be. One night we were talking about whippings, and Mistress said She wanted to do more whippings and Paddles was the place for it. Mistress has a four foot singletail, and i recently bought Her a three footer.  She has practiced including on me and tonight was the show night.  Plus Mistress wanted to show off for some of the “regulars” at Paddles who pissed Her off last time She was there.

i won’t lie, it fucking hurt. But Mistress was her caring self, and pushed me along the way.

After, Mistress moved to Her throne in a secondary room at Paddles, and some boot worship commenced.  As Mistress and i kissed and caressed some, julian was worshipping Mistress’ boots.

After a bit, it was julian’s turn on the stage. Since it was not my scene per-se, i won’t go into a lot of detail, but i will say julian did a nice job in taking the whipping from Mistress. It was also a chance for me to see something Mistress has pointed out to me often. i tend to have tough skin.

Mistress was no more than three strokes into julian’s whipping when there was broken skin.  this mornign, my back has some bruises and welts, but no broken skin.  Interesting.

i can honestly say, i met some interesting folks last night, had a good time with my Mistress-and most of all showed my Mistress the depth of my devotion to Her.

Thank You Mistress….we should go back.